Just like any other teenage girl with raging hormones, I have always wondered what sex felt like back when I was a virgin. I mean, who could blame me? Every movie I watched, every song I listened to, they all have a universal theme that often left me curious and excited about the three-letter word. I was pretty young when I got exposed to my first porn movie, and as much as I hate to admit it, it awakened something in me that opened an appetite I couldn’t feed just yet back then.
I remember my high school girlfriends and I sneaking at the back of our classroom on lunch breaks, so we could talk about the Cosmo Confessions we’ve read on stealth-mode during the weekend. We would snicker and giggle with every detailed story we shared to one another, and together, we’d wonder how sex felt like. We’d then create theories, taking cues from Britney’s latest music video, or Beyonce’s latest sexy song.
In hindsight, the articles I read were very similar; almost too similar. Each article always talked about how to please the man.
Put cold grapes in your mouth while giving him head.
Wear sexy lingerie underneath an apron as you prepare his dinner.
Train your gag reflex using a banana.
I’m not even kidding, these tips stuck to my brain, like nerds candy on your teeth.
As a grown woman who’s had her fair share of sexual encounters (I was a big, fat, slut, remember?), I can’t help but question the subliminal messages these articles promote.
Are women not worth giving pleasure to?
Is it always the woman’s role to act like someone’s blow up doll, always ready, physically and emotionally, for sex?
Are men getting the right tips on how to please women, from women themselves?
I took it upon myself to bear the responsibility to educate men on what TRULY pleases a woman. I was born female with a vagina, and I think that alone qualifies me to give substantial tips to men, just so we both get equal information on how to please the other species.
1. CELEBRATE HER TRIUMPHS.
There’s nothing more pathetic than an insecure man who won’t celebrate his woman’s triumphs because he is threatened by her strengths. Ew.
If she got the promotion, congratulate her. If she’s excelling in something you also want for yourself, give her a well-deserved treat, and tell her you’d want to learn from her. A man who celebrates the successes of his woman says so much about his character and security in his manhood. Besides, a well-loved woman becomes ten times more than the woman she is. Be the man who supports his woman all the way, there’s nothing sexier and more attractive than that!
2. BE SPECIFIC WITH YOUR COMPLIMENTS.
It’s the little things that matter to us women. Although the basic “you look beautiful today” is a good enough line to flatter your bae, run the extra mile and tell her what exactly it is that makes her beautiful. Is it her glowing skin? Her freshly cut hair? Perhaps it’s the confidence she has rocking a new dress on your date night. Whatever it may be, try to notice the details. Trust me, she’ll reward you for it.
3. WRITE—DON’T TEXT—HEART-FELT AND SPECIAL MESSAGES.
It’s easy to tap away on your smartphone and emoji keyboard to craft the perfect anniversary message. But again, it’s all in the details. More often than not, men may not be as mushy as women when it comes to sentimental outpours, but make it a point to really be personal with your special messages by taking the time to write it by hand. I’m not asking you to write her a letter every damn day a la Noah from The Notebook, but when your relationship has reached certain milestones, it never hurts to make something extra special for her as a way to celebrate.
4. EAT HER OUT TO ORGASM, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES.
I’ve heard a lot of my girlfriends complain about inequality when it comes to oral sex. Guys often expect women to give them head, without wanting to return the favor. There are always pogi points for a man who is eager to please his woman, even if it means extra effort for him. Girls just take more time to heat up in the bedroom, and you have to acknowledge that as fact. There are more buttons to push and more combos to try, so you’ll have to be willing to explore her body, and make sure you’re doing it right for her. Some girls are just shy to be eaten out, but if you assure her that you’re into it, and you’re doing it for her because she’s worthy to be pleased, she’ll be shouting your name like a demigod soon enough.
5. MAKE HER SEE THE FLAWS SHE’S INSECURE ABOUT IN A BEAUTIFUL PERSPECTIVE.
Some guys think it’s funny to poke fun at their girls’ biggest insecurities, because it’s “cute to see her pout”, or because “it’s just a joke anyway”. If you’re a guy who does this, kick yourself in the butt. NOW. You have to stop it (not unless your girlfriend actually, truly LOVES it, and begs you for it).
Not only does it make your woman extra conscious about her “flaws”, but she also probably gets enough body shaming from some of her tactless relatives or rude colleagues alone. She doesn’t need that barbaric kind of humor from you, so quit it.
Assure her that her stretch marks and rolls don’t bother you, because you are fully aware that these are natural phenomena in the female body. Kiss them, caress them, and show her that you aren’t—AT ALL—repelled by these “flaws”. It’s takes a real man to embrace his woman’s body wholly. I’m not saying that you have to put it upon yourself to be responsible for her self-esteem and confidence, but when those “ugly” days come, make sure you have sincere one-liners to say that can boost up her confidence levels.
6. TAKE THE LEAD.
Plan out the weekend, set the place to meet. Don’t be one of those passive boyfriends who let the girl plan out everything for the both of them. IT’S ANNOYING. Sure, her opinion matters, and it would be nice for her to have a say in your day itinerary, but when you let her do the decision-making all the damn time, it can actually be exhausting and frustrating for her. Take into consideration both your interests, and start planning from there. I’m sure your girl will enjoy the worry-free weekend, and it actually shows that you have leadership skills. That’s always a plus.